I had an interesting conversation with a friend that really boosted my confidence today. Basically, I’ve been having some
doubts about how high my standards are. He
was kind enough to say that he was appreciative and attracted to my
self-improvement efforts. It really helped because, sometimes, in a world with
low standards, it just seems like so many men don’t have any.
I’ve met countless guys in their mid-late twenties that just
want to party and don’t have a degree, ambition, drive, or even thoughts of
anything long-term in their head. I’ve really considered my actions: are my
standards too high? Is what I’m asking for too much? The key to turn it all is
a godly man who wants to be a provider, lover, husband, leader….
But my friend also said something else that didn’t shock me
but just made what I have already suspected to be evident. “It’s easier for
some people to just sit back and not have standards.” I think this is true.
Having standards is hard work: choosing healthy food over not is hard, working out
over being lazy is hard, taking time to find the right person instead
of just settling because its convenient, having integrity over just going on a
whim. It’s all hard.
This call came at the right time because I was considering:
Do I lower my standards because a lot of men don’t have any?
Afterward, I decided, “No.” So, I’m not sure how this plays out because I don’t
want to force a man to change, nor do I want to nag. I want a man that has godly
standards and is already there.
One of my friends said, “Girl, you have to be what you want.
You aren’t going to find the kind of man you want sitting at home watching soap
operas eating hohos. You have to get to the gym, get in church… do things that
the kind of man you want would do.” That’s not saying that I should ever put
myself into a situation specifically to find a man. Being on the hunt isn’t necessarily
healthy. However, I have found that I will not find the kind of man I want at a
club or bar. So I have to do things that attract a man with those qualities.
For example, it’s important that the man that I marry work out and maintain a
healthy lifestyle. Most men like that don’t date women who watch TV all day and
eat hohos. So, in order to attract what I want, I have to be that type of
person.
I’ve also come to the conclusion that, if I am going to have
this type of man, I have to put my standards out there and uphold them. It can
be intimidating telling someone what you want in a man; however, the only other
option is to hold myself back and be disappointed later. I figure that if he
doesn’t meet those standards, he will either change or walk away. I don’t think
that they’re that hard.
He said something to me that was one of the saddest things
to me, “Men are a dying breed; there are very few men in the world left. There
are a lot of boys pretending to men.” Even two hours later it still makes me
sad. I like Steve Harvey’s take on the boys-trying-to-be-men
theory. Back in the day, if men wanted sex, they had to get married. Now, the
game has changed, and men get it for free or really cheap. Now, instead of
society reinforcing a culture where men married a woman before he could have
her, we live in a culture where men don’t have to wait. So in the end, it’s
really about a man’s personal choice to uphold convictions, morals, and
standards. However, isn’t this what I want anyway? Maybe having these standards that I have helps to weed out
the fake men, jerks, wannabes, etc. As my friend put it, "Not putting out and talking about God will weed out 80% of men." So in the end, I guess I save myself a whole bunch of problems by just keeping my abstinence and godly-man standards.
