1. Current situation (Single)
2. Past experiences (Bad and good, but we're still single)
3. How it made me feel (Anger, hurt, sad, etc)
4. Current coping mechanism
5. Hope for the future
Most single women I talk to experienced these to some extent. It usually doesn't get into man-bashing, surprisingly. However, the conversation often includes stories about men who played her ignorance, naiveness, emotions, heart, etc; men that acted interested and then went after a prettier, smarter, thinner, insert adjective with "er" woman. For both men and women, there's only a few times before you throw your hands up and give up completely.
We each invent our own coping mechanisms for dealing with the nawing desire to find a mate. For some its faith, for some its partying, for others its being busy. However, regardless how people choose to deal with it, being single isn't necessarily a curse; its often a blessing. The grass is always greener, right? Not necessarily! Its easy to look at married couples and think, "They have it all: a mate (emphasis on mate, esp if you're waiting until marriage), someone to cuddle with, a companion, helpmate, someone to share the burden of life with, etc."
However, even though we don't get certain needs met that come with a spouse and bear the burdens of life ourselves, singleness has a blessing of its own! The Apostle Paul concurs by saying that when you are single, you can focus completely on God and be holy in body and spirit (1 Corinthians 7). How wonderful it is to have time to devote to God and our relationship with Him!
Not only do single people have undivided time with God, we also have time to pursue their personal dreams and goals. Being single has little distractions when working on college, having a career or just moving or changing life plans when desired. It also forces you to develop things that you might have had to learn the hard way in a marriage. For example, being single has allowed me to grow by watching other people and families. I've observed and learned so many things that I might not have otherwise. I've learned to develop community with people and form a personal family even being close to my family.
I have met two Catholic priests here who are close to me in age. They are similar to other men I know: funny, smart, outgoing, etc. However, they have taken a vow of celibacy and can never get married. At first, that really confused me; I just could not imagine. However, it makes so much sense. When you have dedicated your life to God, you will never have to worry about the distractions, problems, etc. that come with dating and marriage. You know from a young age what your path is and its never a question. For many of us who are single with the intent of getting married comes the questions of balancing life, goals, plans, compromise, etc. It just seems so much simpler when you choose not to get married.
While I'm not sure if I would ever take it that far, I have taken a few gems from these men:
1. Use this time of singleness to pursue God undividedly.
2. Use this time to do God's work and thinking how to please Him.
3. Its a beautiful thing to be able to wholly pursue God with no distractions.
To add to my list of examples for single ladies, I've found some women in the Bible who held out for God to bring them their man. I've compiled a list of what they did while waiting.
WARNING: Do not use these qualities as checklists to do hoping that once you have them checked off, God will bring your man to you.
1. Rebekah (Gen. 24) had several great qualities about her. She was bold, kind and generous, watering the travel-weary servant and his camels without being asked; she was brave and willing to do God's will, going to a foreign country to marry Isaac. She was respectful of her husband, calling him master and comforting him.
2. Rahab (Josh. 2, 6) was the Canaanite prostitute who hid the Israelite spies; because of this, she was spared in the destruction of Jericho. She did the will of God by saving the Israelites; she used her own resources to help others (i.e her house). Additionally, much later, she was married to a Jewish man and was the one of the many great grandmothers of Christ.
3. Ruth (Ruth) was a Moabite woman who staid with her Jewish mother-in-law after their husbands died. Ruth exhibits so many characteristics: brave for leaving her home country, loyalty and faithfulness to Naomi, faith in God, integrity, character, hard worker, and humility. There are so many more, but to save time, I will let the reader discover her on their own. She was rewarded with an amazingly godly husband who righteously fought for her.
4. Abigail (1 Sam 25) was not single, but I use her to demonstrate a point. She was married to a crude and mean man who offended David. The Bible says that she was sensible and beautiful. She intervened on her husbands behalf and saved their entire household. David admired her sensibility to the point that he asked her to marry him when her husband died. She also demonstrates humility.
While these qualities may just hang out on the page for some people, I will write a blog that ties them all together later.
The point at the end of it all is simply this: It is best to recognize singleness not as race or contest to the altar, as a game to get sex or the ring, a waiting room to sit in until "the One" opens the door and calls you in, or any other horrible contrivance that people can make it into. As Christians, we are called to serve God; the blessing and beauty of being single is that we get to serve God without the distraction of a spouse. Should we be blessed with a godly spouse, because we took time to develop ourselves, our character, our relationship with Christ, we will be ready to leave and cleave together. We don't do these things to get a mate; we do these things to grow closer to Christ. However, a perk of forging these godly characteristics in singleness is that we set ourselves up for success in marriage, more to come on that.
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