"People have to learn how to be alone. I don’t understand all these people “Oh, I need somebody! Lord, where is my man? Lord, where is my woman?”. That is crazy as hell, if you don’t know how to be by yourself, what you’re gonna do with somebody else? Stop praying about it, shut up and wait! Go work on you, hell, that’s what that time is for, to get yourself together!"
Madea from Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail the play
I love the above quote. While it may be a little harsh, throwing around "hell" and a dose of sarcasm, the parts I bolded are so true. How can one expect to be happy with another person unless they are happy by themselves? In my last blog, All My Single Ladies and several other blogs, I have talked about preparing yourself for marriage and taking advantage of the time of singleness to just "do you." Accomplish your personal goals, get yourself together, develop your character, your integrity and become a strong, healthy person so that you attract that kind of person that has the kinds of qualities that can make a marriage last.
In this blog, I want to break down some qualities I listed in "All My Single Ladies" and explain why I think they are so important. Marriage is definitely something to look forward to; however, it does bring its own set of problems with it. That is why it is important to be a resilient, capable person in singleness and marriage.
So lets break it down by characteristics and why they are important:
Followed God's will: God promises that He will work all things out for the good of those who love Him; He also says that He will continue to completion the good work that He began in us. When our goal and desire to be in God's will, He can fulfill these promises. I have found that even when we do not desire the specific outcome, change, or action, it works out better for me in the long run. God, however, knowing everything that He does, can bring us to a better place of peace, even if we have to suffer for a short while.
Honoring those in her life: Rebekah was respectful to her husband, Ruth was faithful and loyal to Naomi, and Abigail rushed to provide provisions for David's army; she did it to save her family. What does it mean to honor? Essentially, showing someone high regard or respect. Its important to honor and treat well people in our lives, not just those who we like or love, but especially those who you don't necessarily like. Sometimes honoring people can simply be not talking about them or asking them how their day went.
Part of integrity is treating everyone with an attitude of respect. Honor also requires a certain amount of humility. It literally means elevating something higher than yourself as worthy, lifting another person's needs above your own.
Common sense: Common sense is essential in any area of life. With it, we learn from our mistakes, we learn how to navigate through unfamiliar situations, we learn how to interact with people, and we learn how to apply what we learn in class to our every day lives.
Work ethic: All these women, whatever their job, did it to the best of their abilities. A work ethic is defined as a belief in the moral importance and benefit of work. Whether you are working for a boss or as a stay-at-home mom and wife, they all require duties and repsonsibilities to be taken care of. If a woman stays at home, the house should stay clean, the laundry done, dinner cooked by a certain time, etc. A boss expects reports that meet company goals and are done on time. While getting an education, the teacher has clear objectives for the student to learn. To do well in life, one must have whole-heartedly do their job.
Boldness: Why is boldness imporant? I think that, oftentimes, women are hesistant to say or do something they think is right. These women did these things because they had conviction to do the right things, even if the acts were unpopular with others. The Bible says that Ruth was determined to do the right thing (stay with Naomi), even though Naomi urged her to stay in her home land.
Brave: Both Rebecca and Ruth set out on journeys to foreign lands, unaware of what their life would be like; Abigail took provisions to an army marching to destroy her family! Many times, life throws things we aren't expecting at us, and bravery causes us to face the unknown or things or people that intimidate us.
Kindness: In general, it is a good thing to treat people well; common courtesy is what it used to be called. Simple acts of kindness make people's day; simple words of encouragement can change a person's whole attitude. The Bible says that love is kind; it also says kindness is a fruit of the spirit. Love is the oil that flows between people to smooth out the friction that occurs in day-to-day life and relationships. Kindness is a boat that helps spread that oil.
These are a few of many qualities that I have learned from these women to be applicable in everyday life, single or married. Its important to be a resilient, capable person, able to handle life and whatever comes after you. I firmly believe that you have to be happy as a single, capable of enjoying life by yourself before you can ever be happy in a relationship.
The truth is that whoever you are in your life before you marry, you will be that person after you're married. While you may be good at hiding who you are for a while, eventually the real person will come out.
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